Shadow and Memory
by Sepelio
Summary: North Korea likes to see Korea injured.
1. Shadow

North Korea stared intensely at Korea every time they were in the same room. She had eyes like Russia and China claimed she looked like him when he was younger, but if there was one thing that didn't come from Korea it would be her. Sometimes her long dark hair covered her eyes and that was even worse, you knew she was still staring at you behind the wall of hair. The effect was even more disturbing when she was surrounded by her brainwashed soldiers. Korea wanted to grab them and run, bring them back to the real Korea but if his so called sister trusted them enough to bring them they wouldn't know him as a friend.

His patience was running out, North accused him and the world in general of the most inane things and avoided everything China wanted her to talk about.

"I'm done cuddling you," he said. He thought he saw a hint of approval in China's face instead of the annoyance he had showed in the past. It made him feel a little better over how he had been talked into seeing them without America or someone at his side of the table.

"The Democratic People's Republic of Korea needs no cuddling," she said. "The Democratic People's Republic of Korea has a very large army and very much weapons and we would very much like to protect you and take care of you and love you."

North smiled with sharp teeth, Korea felt nauseated again, a strange feeling in his stomach he couldn't name. Disappointment, fear, fury, exhaustion, he couldn't tell anymore.

"North Korea, calm down," China ordered. Korea felt a little glee at that, in the past China had referred to her as 'Korea' or when he wanted to be extra annoying, her very made up name Democratic People's Republic of Korea. Now she was often only North, said with more and more distance. She tried to move closer to China, who gave her an even colder look and told her to sit straight.

Then her eyes wanders back to Korea and shadow of something terrible passed over her features, as Korea realized he had forgotten to hide the satisfied smile over how China finally told her off publicly, no matter how polite. Korea forced himself to look appropriately solemn for the rest of the meaningless meeting.

* * *

><p>Even with China gently pushing his 'little sister' to be more cooperative things went nowhere. Korea was tired of it and he had promised himself a weekend of dedicated Starcraft gaming if he survived the meeting. America had wanted to join when he heard the idea, maybe one day he would actually learn the game properly and be a worthy opponent. Korea snickered to himself, bless America, he did try but he didn't have the right kind of focus for that game. He better hurry home and forget all about this miserable day and not lose the concentration needed to show his citizens how the game should be played.<p>

Korea impatiently tapped his fingers against the controller as the elevator refused to appear. No problems, a little exercise was nothing the amazing Korea couldn't handle. Stairs it was. He slammed the door open, wondering what the hell happened to the light. He searched for an on-switch in the dark, finding it within a moment. Strange it didn't go on automatically.

The light flickered for a moment, Korea thought he could see something move right in the corner of his eyes. With the lights on Korea forced himself to turn around to dispel the paranoia that had began to creep up on him.

Behind the door, just out of obvious line of sight, North Korea stared at him with her huge unblinking eyes. Korea yelped (how long had she waited in the dark?) and took an involuntary step back. North's expression didn't change as she put both her hands on his chest and shoved him as hard as she could.

* * *

><p>Korea couldn't have been out for long but when he came to his senses again everything hurt. He was on his back, looking up at the stairs.<p>

"What happened?" he mumbled.

"You fell down. I feel bad for you, you must be more careful."

He tried to move but his head hurt, his ribs hurt and the world was blurrier than usual.

"I didn't fall. You pushed me."

North smiled beautifully. She had let her long hair loose and it covered most of her face, except for the eyes. Korea had more than one horror movie inspired by her, so did Japan. None of them would ever admit it.

"You need to be more careful," she said again. "Exchanging smug looks with China isn't being careful at all."

"China hates you too," Korea choked.

"I like to see your pained face," North sweetly said and kicked him in the side before she left. "I love all your expressions but you should only make them for me."

* * *

><p>A cleaning lady found him a few hours later and called an ambulance.<p>

"I fell," Korea lied and felt horrible about it. He wanted to hit back and force North Korea to apologize. If he pushed the issue she should realize she had to. If only she could be counted on doing the sane thing... At times Korea wondered if she pretended to be mad to make everyone give her space or if she truly couldn't see the difference between reality and propaganda anymore. He would lose less if they fought but it wasn't good enough by far. So he kept lying and promised himself to be more careful in the future.

Korea had a broken rib, bruises everywhere and a bad hit in the head that made him dizzy when he tried to sit up too fast. It was alright, he wasn't as fragile as a human and he would be perfectly fine in a day or two. Just in time to miss his planned weekend of gaming.

But other distractions would appear. Some thing followed a script Korea knew since long. This was a time like that.

North Korea slithered into his room in complete silence. She wasn't dressed as crazy DPRK soldier anymore but as any Korean teenager, passing without a second glance as long as no one looked too closely at her eyes.

"I love you," she said. "You know I always have. I would never hurt you. I'm so sorry I did."

She sat down on his bed, almost on top of him and began to stroke his hair. Her gaze was fixated on the darkening bruise on his chin. It made her squee in delight when he flinched without thinking.

"No, you're not sorry," Korea said. Once he had allowed her to apologize and promise things would be better from now on. He got tired of that when he realized she would twist the knife deeper and apologize at the same time, over and over again.

"If I were you, I would want me to be," North said. She caught his hair curl, twisting it slightly between her fingers. "Seoul is vulnerable, not as safe as you think."

"And your heart isn't even worth protecting," Korea said. "You must feel much safer."

North's eyes narrowed.

"I am Korea reborn. I am pure and untainted and together we will be perfect."

She always found her own propaganda comforting.

"So you say. Work harder on your sanity and I might let you play with my friends sometimes."

His sister hissed and tugged harder on his hair. Korea winced.

"I like to see you in pain," she lovingly said. Korea tried to hid his emotions but he never succeeded as well he he wished. North could read his face as if it was her own. "I love when you're hurt as long as I'm the one who hurt you. No one else should."

North's kiss was dry and hungry, like she wanted to devour him at the spot. Korea tried to not think of her as a sister when he kissed back, as violently as she did. It was easy. He was already old when she appeared out of nowhere as an unwanted red-headed stepchild. As nations they shared no parents, no childhood together. All they had was the present, the hate that was as much of an attracting force as love.

North's nails dug into his chest and she sunk her teeth into his lip. She let go and laughed when he cried out, before he could bite back. Only North managed to summon this strange mix of helplessness and murderous fury. She only liked to play this game when he was hurt, otherwise he might be able to do more than grip her arms, applying enough force to bruise. He hoped her boss would ask about it later.

"We're not so different," North said. "Except my Korea is the best Korea."

Her hands was on his chest, putting weight on his broken rib, slowly increasing the pressure. Korea pushed back but in his condition he was too weak. Another game, to see how long it would take her to make him scream, if she could make him beg her to stop.

The first she might get, the second, never. Korea bit down a whimper. Once she had looked healthier, now Korea felt only bones and muscles when he held her arms. If she ever dared to show up when he was well it wouldn't be this easy, he hated her for being such a coward.

Korea was seconds away from screaming when someone knocked at the door.

"Go away," North called in a voice any human would hurry to obey.

There was a short pause, then another knock.

Please don't be America, Korea prayed. He and North would jump each other imminently and it would be hell for America to try to explain to China and everyone else why he had beaten the crap out of North Korea. Please don't be China or Japan either, Korea would never be able to look them in the eye again. The embarrassment of being... attacked by North Korea would almost kill him.

The door opened slowly and North looked up. China flinched for a second at the sight, then he returned to a friendly expression and Korea noticed the flowers he had brought with him.

"I heard you got hurt little brother," China said.

"You're the little brother," Korea said by habit and China smiled slightly, as if North Korea wasn't there.

North slid off him, slowly, hesitantly. Korea took a deep breath, he had almost forgot what it felt like and how much he needed it. North tried to not look at China who returned the favor.

Korea's pulse was still raising, even as his sister quickly disappeared, as quietly as she had arrived.

"It's unfortunate you had an accident like this," China said, putting the flowers on the table next to the bed. It didn't look as if he had put a lot of thought behind it except it was a thing he seen others do.

"North Korea pushed me," Korea said.

"Yes, that's unfortunate..."

Korea wondered if North kissed and touched China too or if it was reserved only for him. He hoped so, the thought of China with her made him twitch. China was _his_brother.

China sat next to his bed for a while, chatting about harmless things no one could possible take offense at. Korea smiled to himself. China hadn't asked how he was feeling or if he was alright. He must know Korea was much tougher than that and this was nothing. And most importantly, he was here, not running after the sulking North Korea.

"You're smiling as weirdly as North Korea," China said, out of nowhere, frowning with disapproval.

"Maybe you should worry about me too every now and then." Korea tried to hide his hurt feelings but yet again he failed. "Not only _her_."

Maybe China wasn't that worried after all and had some political reason for being polite. He always tried to be positive, to think he was stronger than his sister, that China cared deep down. But there was a limit to how much he could cheer himself up.

They looked at each other in silence, feeling the distance grow yet again. North Korea wanted him, in her own demented way, but Korea often wondered if China wished he would just go away and stop annoying him. The thought hurt too much to linger at.

"I'm not going to chose her," China quietly said, then changed subject as if nothing had happened.

Korea kept smiling, in a way China must have found even creepier. But he said nothing and his hand brushed by Korea's when he finally asked how he was feeling.

"Fine," Korea replied and it wasn't a lie.


	2. Memory

Korea never visited North Korea. It was an unwritten rule you couldn't just abduct other nations but North didn't even care about written rules. Korea didn't want to take the risk, even if his sister would let him in. He suspected she wouldn't, she only wanted others to see what she wanted to show them and nothing else. Korea would never accept that.

She was always the one visiting him. Korea hoped she took a plane from China but he was never completely sure she hadn't found a way to cross the demilitarized zone. She kept doing things she really shouldn't and no one thought she would be able to. Maybe they had some things in common after all. If he felt only hate towards her he wouldn't have opened the door when the knocked, he wouldn't let her sit in his kitchen sipping on tea and look at the city beneath them.

She was dressed in white and her hair was damp and lifeless, obscuring most of her face. A small trail of blood dripped from her eyes. Korea shivered, he wasn't sure if this was another weird thing about her or if it reflected something happening in her country.

He thought about the first time they met. Everything had gone wrong from the start. If only China hadn't presented her as his little sister while holding her like a beloved family member while looking at Korea with badly hidden glee, saying the words he would never forget.

_I don't need you anymor_e. __

If North Korea's smile had been a bit more inviting, if her eyes weren't like Russia's. If she hadn't shown sharp teeth and looked much more like him than she had the right to. Maybe if there was just one less awful thing he could have felt something beyond repulsion.

It was many, many years later he thought about it another way. What had North Korea felt when the first thing she saw was the utter loathing in his eyes? Had she ever had any choice but to throw herself heart and soul into her chosen cause? And was that an excuse for how things had ended up?

"Your bleeding," Korea said, offering her a handkerchief she ignored.

She merely blinked it away, wiping off the blood with her left hand. She held it in front of her, staring in fascination.

"Do you think we share the same blood brother?"

Korea shrugged.

"Perhaps. It's hard to say with us."

But they looked so much alike, in all ways that mattered they were probably brother and sister.

"It's too bad then," North said. "To know no matter how hard I work my blood is tainted by you and your submission to our enemies."

Korea remembered the second time he met her. A child drenched in blood marching towards his capital. When she came into his house without knocking, leaving a trail of corpses behind her, declaring all of it hers now and they would be together forever. Could she really blame him for trying to kill her after that? She had been more like a nightmare than a real person.

She looked almost human now when she sat down with him and they both pretended they weren't still formally at war. Only a little off, he could never get used to the way she was completely still and never took her huge eyes of him.

"Do you want to know why I love you anyway?" North said without giving him a moment to answer if he had wanted to. "Because you are the Korea of the past, the amazing place Japan and China stole so much from."

North Korea was the only one who always believed Korea when he claimed to have invented something, even when he was only messing around she was usually willing to accept it as true. If things had been different he wouldn't have minded to have a little sister like that.

"Do you know why I hate you?" she continued in the same loving adoring tone. "Because you tried to _kill_ me. You and America."

"Do you know why I hate you?" Korea echoed. "Because you conspired with China and Russia to _replace _me and probably dispose of me."

"I don't think it happened that way," North said and took another Oreo directly from the package. He hadn't offered her it but she had picked it out from his shelf anyway. "I think I would have remembered if it did. And you should get better cakes for my visits."

"I didn't even get these for you..."

"If you got a large cake for me I might have let you touch my breasts," North said. "If you didn't buy disgusting cookies from America I definitely would have."

Korea hated he blushed when she said that, her behavior kept catching him off guard.

"And yet you keep eating them," Korea said, his sister wasn't the only one who could be cruel. "Just as you keep watching his movies because you don't have any good of your own and dream of Disneyland because there's no fun places to go in your country. But you're here instead because you can't go somewhere else. I don't think even China is happy when you show up anymore."

It was North's turn to blush in fury. She backhanded him in the face.

"I go wherever I like," she hissed. "I do whatever I want. I don't want any of that, I don't need it and I never wanted it!"

Korea grabbed her wrist before she could try again. It stung where she hit him.

"It's even more sad if that's true..."

North let out a whining, almost inhuman noise. Then she laughed and her face transformed back into her usual childish joy.

"And how sad are you brother? You want to throw your citizens in jail if they tell you they like me and let me in anyway because you feel lonely!"

She laughed again at Korea's expression and put her arms around his neck, continuing to giggle softly, the sound muffled by his shirt. He was probably proving her point now by not kicking her off. China and Japan tried their best to ignore him but to North Korea he was the most important and desirable person in the world. No matter how threatening and deranged her bosses were her full attention was always on him.

"You know I would be on this married, married, married thing if you only started to work on your personality disorder, right?"

"Ah," North said, breathing in his ear. "But this is were we disagree. I think you are the one who needs to work on your horrible self-esteem and stop whoring yourself out to America... Aren't you happy someone still wants to marry you even after that? I would be your loyal obedient wife forever."

"Really?" Korea said, not believing it for a moment.

"You can own me and I'll own our Korea," North said.

"Enough!" Korea said and finally pushed her off. He wasn't hurt this time and if he didn't want to play her game she couldn't make him. He grabbed her arm and shoved her all the way to the door while she kept complaining.

"You're not as nice as you pretend," she said as he harshly pushed her out of the apartment and locked the door behind her.

"And you never told me what you love about me," North continued on the other side of the door. He closed his eyes and could easily imagine her, pressed against the door and smiling creepily. She always smiled creepily when she hummed songs about the ways she wanted America to die.

_I like how you believe tsundere originated in Korea. _That was a shadow of the sister he wished he could have, that and when she got upset if Japan was dismissive of him.

But the reality of the situation was the always hungry neighbor, who now was whispering, let me in, let me in. Who kept threatening to send missiles at him for provocations mostly existing in her head.

"Do you know why I'm the better Korea?" North said. "I never wished you dead. _Yet_."

"Go away now," Korea said. He wished his door was thicker but this was just an apartment he was renting, not his official house he and America long ago teamed up and installed better security in.

The door rattled, then she stopped trying to open it. Korea breathed out, good, she was finally going home-

She smashed her fist right through the wood and grabbed his arm.

Korea yelled in surprise and tried to jump back. North held on and giggled.

"If I want, we go down together."

She abruptly let go. He could see her lick her bloody hand through the hole in the door.

"Every time I think we have a moment of sibling bonding you do this," Korea mumbled. His pulse was racing but he had strangely few feelings about what just happened. Later he'll order another door, more locks and still wouldn't feel better.

"Come to me the next time. I'll let you in. I miss you. I love you. Let us have a bonding moment I want."

"Perhaps... I like it when you're the one bleeding."

"We have so much in common brother," North said. "I'll be waiting..."

* * *

><p>America asked about the broken door later. Korea almost told the truth, until he realized he would have to retell the entire story then. Including how he made tea for their mortal enemy.<p>

"I think you better off not knowing," he said. It was much nicer to have tea with America, who didn't constantly look for ways to blindside him. "And I really, really like you. Just for your information."

"Thank you," America happily said with complete sincerity. America didn't complain about what they were eating and always found everything endlessly fascinating even if he could be an idiot about it at times. But America was young, it was alright.

Sometimes Korea wondered why he still wanted his sister to admit she was wrong and like him in a less predatory way. He didn't need her, never needed her.


End file.
